I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she looked like the before picture.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
