He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
