The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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