I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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