The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
