Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
