My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
