what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
