Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
