got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize