you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
A+ Viking dick
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
