brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
