heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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