i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize