How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
