i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
