i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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