Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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