youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize