i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
