I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
