is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
