The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
