I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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