They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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