i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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