You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
