I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just pee around me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
