he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
