I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
