Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
