My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
