You really coming over, don't trick.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel like abortions should bother me more
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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