i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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