Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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