you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
