if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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