Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
