Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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