the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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