Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
