I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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