I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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