You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
