it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
