Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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