I accidentally had phone sex last night
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
