we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
