You're my little dorito
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
