That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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