I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
