What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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