I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
