People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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