he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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