kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
