I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
