Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
