He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
