I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
