well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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