I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
