That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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