I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
