I met the friendliest cop last night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
