So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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