i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
