We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize